I can't believe it, she's five!!!! and going on 15, this little girl is so full of life and has taught me so many things so I wanted to highlight a few from the years.
Hannah's delivery was kinda scary and actually made me very fearful of having more kids, we almost lost her and I wasn't doing to well either but as always the Lord was right there and truthfully I had peace and I didn't really understand what had happened until much later, He protected us and kept us healthy and safe! I picked this picture of her that was taken a hour or two after she was born because I feel it shows her. She was very quiet, observant and a little unsure, but then once daddy held her all that worry just melted away. She was comfortable with me and knew I was her mom, but she felt safe in daddy's arm and he was the only one that could put her to bed at night. 
What this taught me was to be confident in myself, I was always doubting myself as a mom and thinking I was doing everything wrong, but once I started gaining confidence and just being myself she felt more and more safe with me. And to this day I can always tell when I am not myslef, reflected in how she looks at me, not with anger or madness but almost a searching.
Now she is 6 months old and I will always remember this about her and it still stands out to me a true representation of who she is. My sister Jaime was sad about something and started crying (my sister never cries so this was a pretty big cry) and hannah was on the couch next to her, she crawled over and gently lifted her hand up and caressed her face then just sat down next to her waiting. It was so sweet that my sister stopped crying and we just looked at each other like... wow. She has always been caring and comforting, she used to sleep with jake and I and she would cuddle me. She would lay her head on her pillow and lift her arm up for me to lay right inside it and then lay her hand on my head. Always caring, always comforting.
She was always smiling, but quick to be afraid if she thought you were making fun of her or if she thought you said something mean. She has always been sensitive to tones of voices. This taught me to listen to what i was saying and how I was saying it, taught me to be slow to anger and patient. This picture is an example of her thinking someone was making fun of her. The other thing about that is when I would explain it to her she would stop crying and trust me, which is another thing I need to fully learn..trust.
Now she is one and so beautiful and funny! She started trying to make us laugh and still so cute. She showed me then that she isn't afraid (when she is comfortable), up til now she hated loud nosies, people she didn't know and it took a lot to make her trust you. We went to Yosemite (as usual) but this time she was big enough to hike and sleep in the tent and expereince everything, and she came truly alive. She wasn't afraid of anything, charged up the mountain and kept me busy chasing her around the campground. but it was the first time I saw her truly be her, she taught me how to be myslef, by becoming herself.
Every time we go on a hike or bike outdooors she comes alive!
When she was two when we found out we were going to have another baby. She was with me when I found out and I said hannah we are going to have a baby, and she jumped up and down so excited saying I'm going to be a sister. Then we went to daddy's work and she walked up to him telling him she was a big sister. She was so proud and never had any sense of jealousy or apprehension, it was like she knew this was a part of her. All the way until austin came she would play babies and change their diapers and be their mom, developing even more her sense of nuturing and caring. She never paid much attention to baby dolls until then. She loved helping me get ready for austin and we became little friends. Austin was a C-section and I had to go in the operating room without hannah, she walked me to the door holding my hand telling me she loved me, then she showed me how brave she was, I was crying and a litle scared b/c of my last expereince, but looking at her and knowing that I needed her to be strong she held up and did great! Now she truly turned into my helper, getting diapers for me helping me rock him to sleep and just understood what it meant to be a big sister. She taught me she has what it takes to do what is needed!
The rest of that year she kept devloping into herself and austin helped her quite a bit, this taught me that I can't give her everything she needs (obviously, not what God can give her) but that siblings and friends play an important role in her life as well. Then she was 3.5 and once again taught me another lesson, that she does need me. Sometimes she needs me to protect her from friends, from strangers and from herself.
Of course she is a normal child and has to deal with selfishness, but her actions are so loving. She has taught me so much of God's grace, just accepting and loving me. I can only hope that I can teach her that same thing. I have been so blessed to have her in my life. The best lesson she taught me had been her name.... hannah, which means grace.
What this taught me was to be confident in myself, I was always doubting myself as a mom and thinking I was doing everything wrong, but once I started gaining confidence and just being myself she felt more and more safe with me. And to this day I can always tell when I am not myslef, reflected in how she looks at me, not with anger or madness but almost a searching.
Every time we go on a hike or bike outdooors she comes alive! 
